| Oct. 14th, 2007 @ 11:56 pm So on with the story. |
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...about 2 cowboys
One whose mustache has won him great renown throughout Arizona. All of the women around wanted nothing more than to run their fingers through his thick luscious moustache, which reached all the way back into his sideburns. He was not tall, nor was he very thin. His name was Bert.
Randy, on the other hand was much taller and thinner than Bert. Randy had a Ten-Gallon Beard that made his head seem twice as long as it actually was, but he wore an extra-wide sombrero to cancel it out.
Bert and Randy were not familiar with one another. Bert lived his life quite comfortably in Zombie Alley amongst a plethora of young women with tickling tricky fingers and Randy wandered about the deserts and plains. Until one day Randy sauntered into Bert's town.
Now, as you can imagine, Bert was none too happy with the added competition that Randy and his Ten-Gallon Beard brought with them. Bert was in the saloon with all of the other cowboys, enjoying a whiskey and the long fingernails of Sandy, the young saloon gal. When Randy entered he immediately locked eyes in a long cowboy stare with Bert.
The piano player stopped playing.
"Uh huh," Bert said in an effortless droll.
"Yyyyyyyup," Randy sighed, squinting.
"Mmmmm Hmmmmm!" Sandy said, excited by Randy's full Ten-Gallon Beard.
Sandy crossed the saloon and without warning began caressing Randy's Ten-Gallon Beard. Bert stood up, knocking his chair to the floor. He crossed to Randy and, perching on his tip-toes in his cowboy boots, he stood nose to nose, eyes to eyes, with Randy. The ends of their whiskers danced around one another. Electricity arced betwixt the manly pubes like the emperor's fingers and Luke Skywalker right before his student and the father of Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader (once known as Anakin Skywalker) picked him up and tossed him down a power shaft in that momentous scene in the final chapter of George Lucas' epic.
"You boys wanna take this outside?" asked Barney the bar tender
"Uh huh." said Bert
"Yyyyyyup." said Randy
Sandy screamed and fainted.
Just then the bell of the church began ringing somethin' fierce!
The two cowboys marched out into the streets and loaded their riffles. Children and women rushed inside to escape any harm, frightened for their lives. The men did also. One person remained, Jim, the local barber. He cried a single tear for he knew that today one masterpiece of facial proportions would lie, mussed in the streets.
"Please," Jim begged, "don't do this! You both have such beautiful face manes. Are you really going to fight each other because the saloon girl can't control her wandering lustful fingers?"
"Uh huh," Bert growled.
"Yyyyyyup!" Randy drawled. The bell of the church rang again and the pastor ran out into the streets.
"We got Zombies comin'!" he shouted, which sent Jim back inside, squealing and still crying.
A cloud of dust, which was rolling on the horizon, was making its way towards the town.
The steely cowboy gaze that Bert and Randy shared in the empty streets of Zombie Alley said everything. Their feud would have to wait. Randy picked up his riffle and stood side by side with Bert at the gates of the town. The cloud of dust on the horizon grew closer, revealing its evil, rotting, clean-shaven hoard. Just then the priest, a goatee wearing short waif of a man clamored to their side and panting repeated, "We got Zombies comin'!"
"Uh huh," Bert muttered.
"Yyyyyyup," Randy agreed.
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